The last week has been an odd one with Kai's sleep. Though going to sleep has never been a regularly seamless process, there used to be some kind of pattern around him falling asleep. This last week has felt like a serious upset of what used to be. Or what I think used to be...
Late this morning when it seemed clear that he needed a nap (and, in fact, he is still fighting it--eye rubs and all) I had this pondering moment: "How did we get him to fall asleep?" It was the same kind of question that arises during a night of insomnia, when after tossing and turning for an hour you ask, "How do I fall asleep?" You imagine how your hands are positioned ("Do I have one hand under the pillow and the other hand at my side? No, that feels awkward...") or your legs, what side is most optimal, and all of these questions merely confirm your worst fear: I am never going to sleep.
So as this question confirming doom appeared in my mind, it became clear that all I can do is try and enjoy the present. I looked at myself from the outside and saw me in my pajamas, Kai sitting upright in my arms, and us both looking out the window on a rainy fall afternoon. "That looks pretty nice," I thought, and I smiled.
No comments:
Post a Comment