As I was rocking Kai back to sleep a few nights ago and I looked down at his serene face—head sinking back below the crook in my arm, his tiny puckered mouth slightly agape—that Joni Mitchell line from "Big Yellow Taxi" popped into my head: You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. It’s not that that line describes how I was feeling in that moment—in fact, it was just the opposite, which is what made it so perfect. As I was gazing down on this perfect little soul, present in all of the happiness I possess in my life right now, I suppose my subconscious could not conjure up any words to directly convey my sentiments at that moment and instead offered me the antithesis: You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. After Kai was born my whole life changed in a way I never knew possible. Really, I never knew what could be until it truly was! As I continued to rock Kai with all of these thoughts swirling round in my head, I meditated on that phrase as an antonym of what I was feeling. It reminded me of the popular use of aphorisms among mystic poets when trying to relate their experiences of the Divine, to illustrate through words the, ultimately, ineffable. And, really, it is the Divine I am experiencing in those moments. It is the Beloved as shown through the beautiful son I hold in my arms. As parents always say, no words can describe it, and so to bring us closer we need words that seemingly lead us further away: You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.
...And for fun, Pinhead Gunpowder's version of "Big Yellow Taxi":
For the first time, Kai is starting to make music with an instrument. He has two little wooden rattles that prior to a week ago merely served as instruments to chew on. He did delight in the sound they would make when I shook the rattle for him, but he either never could or simply never would replicate the sound himself. Now he has become a little musician!
The generation of parents to which I belong is obsessed with knowing exactly what is right for their child and wanting all of the current research pertaining to every developmental step. Sometimes I tell myself that I am different and cannot be lumped in with the rest, but then I have moments like right now where I know, I too am one of those parents.
Over the last few months or so I have really been thinking about music and its effects on Kai. Music is a really important part of my life and I want Kai (any phrase beginning with "I want (my child)..." is already heading towards what is most likely a projection) to have that love and understanding of music as well. I don't want him to end up like Steve Martin in The Jerk struggling to snap his fingers with the beat. I want him to have lots of exposure to music and for that to be a strong part of his life. Nevertheless, our culture does not expose children to music in a nourishing way any longer. We no longer (or at best rarely) gather as a community and play music that nourishes all members of that community--young and old. I feel it is important to have Kai experience only (or by and large) live music in his early years and yet I began to wonder, is my guitar and my voice enough (I haven't played my trumpet for him--maybe if I mute it...)?
I began to think that perhaps I was being too dogmatic in my attitude towards media. So I did some research with my hypothesis being the following: if television does not help and in fact impairs our faculties of speech than it follows that music does not help and perhaps even impairs our faculties of music (rhythm and tone).
Here are my findings:
Infant's sense organs are still developing (though hearing develops in-utero) and thus are more sensitive to sensory input than adults' sense organs. For ears, this means that their sensitivity to tone, rhythm, and volume is particularly acute. According to researcher Shannon de l'Etoile, "[c]ommerical recordings can be beneficial, if selected and implemented with care; however, most recorded music marketed for infants tends to be too fast, too complex, and in the wrong key for young listeners. Consequently, your singing voice and instrumental skills are your best tools for providing meaningful musical experiences for infants."
In another study on music's effect on infants in intensive care units, the researchers found that live music was associated with a slower heart rate, deeper sleep patterns, and more stable weight gain whereas recorded music yielded no significant effects.
In some more subjective research, I asked one of the music teachers' at my school (who has two grown children and two teenagers) what he thought about music with Kai. "Is singing to him enough?" I asked. "Absolutely. More than enough. When I read stories, I would sometimes sing the stories instead of read them. And, of course, you just make up little songs all the time. The more you sing to them the better, and if it's pentatonic all the better."
[Just a little aside, pentatonic is a five-note scale that in the Waldorf world we prefer to sing and teach music in until 3rd Grade. As with the rest of the Waldorf curriculum, our music curriculum is a recapitulation of human evolution and culture. Thus, in early human cultures music was largely pentatonic. As human culture evolved we became more and more comfortable with harmonies closer together (the 5th sounded great, then the 4th, then the 3rd, and now in Modern music we find the 2nd!).
I would love to hear folks' thoughts on the topic.
