Yesterday, Linda and I got into one of our meaningless debates (usually instigated by me) where each of us chooses a side and does not back down. We were all on the couch with Kai in the chair I had made with my knees as the back of the chair and with my lap as the seat and Linda sitting next to us. Discussing what will happen tomorrow for Thanksgiving, we got talking about pecans, when Linda--out of the blue and taking a turn from her usual pronunciation of the nut--called them peh-cans with an emphasis on the "cans" (and "a" as in apple). I was taken aback at what to me was a completely new pronunciation of this word. "That is the first time anyone has ever said peh-cans!" I exclaimed. "Ever in the entire history of the world?" Linda mockingly shot back. "Well, I have never heard anyone ever pronounce pecans any other way except either peh-cawns or pee-cans." Well, the lines of argument were drawn. In my camp was the contention that I have never heard a third way of saying pecans and thus I do not believe a third way of pronouncing pecans exists as a greater cultural-linguistic phenomenon. Apparently, Linda was only asserting that a third way of pronouncing pecans can exist and not (as I mistakenly thought, which really was the root of our argument) that groups of people actually commonly pronounce pecans in a way that transgresses the two commonly known forms of pronunciation.
As the miscommunication swirled out of control and our heels dug deeper into the proverbial ground we both grew less and less aware of the fact that a third person was there with us--in fact, seated right between us. Suddenly my eyes were forced to focus on this person right in front of me as the corners of Kai's mouth dropped, his cheeks sagged, and his lip quivered letting out a very very sad cry. Caught in the line of our argumentative fire was Kai and the discord between us clearly was not sitting well with him. Quickly I picked him up and held him close reassuring him while also laughing at the absurdity of the moment: "It's okay Kai. Mommy and Daddy love each other--see?" (Linda and I put on big happy grins trying to show him we really aren't mad). I give Kai to Linda and she reassures him as well. I hug Linda and Kai trying to show him that I still have affection for his mother, she for me, and both of us for him. Slowly his tears stop still on his face, the corners of his mouth tighten back into a smile and his eyes start to glow again with glee.
This was really the first time Kai had seen us fight. The crazy thing was how we were not angry--frustrated and irritated maybe, but not angry. Nevertheless, the fact that we were not kind, that our words were pointed at one another, that we were completely out of harmony upset him. I know that babies are sensitive, but wow! There's the proof!
