Linda has put together a little album. Enjoy!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
“He looks like…”
A funny thing often happens when someone meets Kai Liang. They will look at him, then at Linda, then at Kai, then at me—their glances shifting between us—until finally they come out with “He looks like…”
What is funny about the “He looks like…” game is that just about every possible opinion under the sun has been uttered. Observations have been corroborated just as much as they have been contradicted (though the most popular opinion is that he looks like Linda's father). He looks Asian, he looks White, he has Vernon’s eyes, he has Linda’s eyes, etc. etc. etc. This is not to dismiss the validity of these observations—they could all be true! What is amazing is how amorphous his appearance really can be, all the while still distinctively remaining Kai. My latest theory on this phenomena is that he is still so connected to the spirit world that he cannot be so fixedly tied to physical classification and understanding. Perhaps it is a bit romantic, but to be romantic is not necessarily to be wrong! ; )
A little while ago, our friend Coco asked me "What is it like being a White man with a son who is obviously Asian?" (Coco, I hope I am recounting your question correctly). I am not sure my response was adequate, and I have been thinking a lot about me, Kai, Linda, and our different racial heritages and how that will play out in our family dynamic. I responded largely with that I had not really thought much about it. I guess what I really mean is that I have not thought about how that racial difference affects my love for him because it really does not enter my mind at all. I do think a lot about me being White and Kai being mixed Asian and White (or Hapa) quite a bit and how that will affect his experience growing up and what I can do as a parent to support him in his own identity development and how to protect him from feeling alienated from either White culture or Chinese culture or both.
About a month ago, we were all on a neighborhood walk as a family with Kai Liang in the stroller, when we were walking through an alley behind a gas station and a 40-something-looking White woman saw us and asked if she could see our baby. "Of course," we replied and as she walked up to look at Kai she said "I just love half-breeds!" and proceeded to admire at his cuteness. We were very literally dumbfounded by her comment, our mouths firmly sealed and minds working hard to fathom what this woman just said. She ended her viewing by turning to Linda and saying "He has your eyes!", which was another odd thing to say, seeing as how his eyes were closed.
As soon as we were out of earshot, Linda and I looked at each other with gaping mouths desperately trying to utter something that would help it all make sense. All I could come up with was "What do we do the next time that happens?" After all, he was only about a month into a longer life surely full of comments of this sort. The best I could come up with was "We prefer mixed." But even then, I'm not satisfied. I would love advice on this one if any of you have some to share.
This encounter prompted me to better understand the Hapa experience (Hapa is a slang term derived from Hawaiian meaning a person of mixed racial heritage with partial roots in Asian and/or Pacific Islander ancestry) so I picked up Kip Fulbeck's Part Asian, 100% Hapa from the library. I think I will have to buy it as a coffee table book. After all, as Fulbeck says in the foreword, "I'm really making the book I wish I had access to growing up." The book is kind of a photo essay on the Hapa experience. Each page is a different Hapa individual with their picture on one side and their response to the question "What are you?" His book is a beautiful response to that very loaded and problematic question. Here is a favorite of mine:
To get a glimpse and to see Kip Fulbeck's other projects, go here or you can preview it at Amazon.
Oh, and here is a cute picture of Kai Liang after bath time in his frog bathrobe. You can find more under "Pictures of Kai."
What is funny about the “He looks like…” game is that just about every possible opinion under the sun has been uttered. Observations have been corroborated just as much as they have been contradicted (though the most popular opinion is that he looks like Linda's father). He looks Asian, he looks White, he has Vernon’s eyes, he has Linda’s eyes, etc. etc. etc. This is not to dismiss the validity of these observations—they could all be true! What is amazing is how amorphous his appearance really can be, all the while still distinctively remaining Kai. My latest theory on this phenomena is that he is still so connected to the spirit world that he cannot be so fixedly tied to physical classification and understanding. Perhaps it is a bit romantic, but to be romantic is not necessarily to be wrong! ; )
A little while ago, our friend Coco asked me "What is it like being a White man with a son who is obviously Asian?" (Coco, I hope I am recounting your question correctly). I am not sure my response was adequate, and I have been thinking a lot about me, Kai, Linda, and our different racial heritages and how that will play out in our family dynamic. I responded largely with that I had not really thought much about it. I guess what I really mean is that I have not thought about how that racial difference affects my love for him because it really does not enter my mind at all. I do think a lot about me being White and Kai being mixed Asian and White (or Hapa) quite a bit and how that will affect his experience growing up and what I can do as a parent to support him in his own identity development and how to protect him from feeling alienated from either White culture or Chinese culture or both.
About a month ago, we were all on a neighborhood walk as a family with Kai Liang in the stroller, when we were walking through an alley behind a gas station and a 40-something-looking White woman saw us and asked if she could see our baby. "Of course," we replied and as she walked up to look at Kai she said "I just love half-breeds!" and proceeded to admire at his cuteness. We were very literally dumbfounded by her comment, our mouths firmly sealed and minds working hard to fathom what this woman just said. She ended her viewing by turning to Linda and saying "He has your eyes!", which was another odd thing to say, seeing as how his eyes were closed.
As soon as we were out of earshot, Linda and I looked at each other with gaping mouths desperately trying to utter something that would help it all make sense. All I could come up with was "What do we do the next time that happens?" After all, he was only about a month into a longer life surely full of comments of this sort. The best I could come up with was "We prefer mixed." But even then, I'm not satisfied. I would love advice on this one if any of you have some to share.
This encounter prompted me to better understand the Hapa experience (Hapa is a slang term derived from Hawaiian meaning a person of mixed racial heritage with partial roots in Asian and/or Pacific Islander ancestry) so I picked up Kip Fulbeck's Part Asian, 100% Hapa from the library. I think I will have to buy it as a coffee table book. After all, as Fulbeck says in the foreword, "I'm really making the book I wish I had access to growing up." The book is kind of a photo essay on the Hapa experience. Each page is a different Hapa individual with their picture on one side and their response to the question "What are you?" His book is a beautiful response to that very loaded and problematic question. Here is a favorite of mine:
To get a glimpse and to see Kip Fulbeck's other projects, go here or you can preview it at Amazon.
Oh, and here is a cute picture of Kai Liang after bath time in his frog bathrobe. You can find more under "Pictures of Kai."
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